The Value of not Always Winning and being a loser
“My Kid is Always going to be WINNING!”- A quote from a parent in today’s society.
That being said, I am not a parent or expecting a child in the near future. I was however raised by a pair of fantastically amazing ones who along with other positive and negative influences in my life made me who I am today.
Only a few years ago we a a society started the “everybody wins” campaigns and uproars from adults and parents. There was some fight against it but it did have some positive points;
Everyone gets a trophy in recreation leagues (I got one for the rec sports I played in so I shouldn’t expect that to change)
Young and first year sports like T-Ball and Youth Flag Football the score is rarely kept. (Same happened when I was young; it is more about learning the fundamentals of sport, social and motor development.
The development of academic mentoring and volunteer learning assistants.
Eliminated a lot of those bad coach/role models demanding victory or punishment from loss.
It only took a turn when a “winning” and praise became a privilege of any activity. It was no longer special to excel and if you did excel you were expected to get something for it other than a pat on the back. It really became about getting things for winning instead of a learning experience of winning and losing. The truth is…not everyone can win, and this applies to EVERY SITUATION you will encounter from conception onward.
You are going to Lose, deal with it.
You might have WON just to get in this world but, millions (or hundreds of thousands) of others lost that race. Kind of cliché but still the truth, don’t worry I will not be including a classic sperm and egg picture. A lot can be accomplished from losing and we are beginning to miss this vital piece to maintain balance in the world. Losing will teach and actually be more applicable to real world situations than winning. Attributes and the skills of Perseverance, determination, struggle, desire to improve and personal development are just a few benefits from losing. Just like not everyone can win in sports, not everyone can Win in life after sports aka the real world. Not everyone can get the jobs, houses, cars, loans, credit cards, promotions and girl/boyfriends on their first tries. If you decided to keep score or record your “life” wins and loses, you would have more of a losing record than a winning one. It is what you do after experiencing a loss that makes the difference. I understand as parents you want to protect your child from pain of all kinds whether emotional/mental or physical but, sheltering and in essence “hiding” your kid from this is only crippling them for their future.
Instead of slowly experiencing PARENT SUPERVISED failure and loss as a child these soon to be young adults will be thrown into challenging situations with no experience or previous advice and situations to relate too. It can be overwhelming and possibly hinder future successes.
My experience with loss, failure and personal growth
What I consider one of the most beneficial experiences with loss and failure is with the development of my love for art. I love sport and competition and have played since I was just a young lad. I was lucky enough to understand I could not be the best at everything fairly early. I played basketball in rec. leagues and really enjoyed it despite growing up with a body shaped like a square and not being tall at all (I currently top out at 5’9″ before squat days). No matter the body type I wasn’t very good at basketball, having the dribbling skills of a clear novice and shooting ability that lacked finesse and consistency. Long story short, because I understood losing I made a conscious decision to quit perusing basketball. Quit? Yes, because there is a difference in giving up and quitting something that is holding you back. In order to progress and succeed with my art talent , at the time I had to quit an activity that was limiting this progress. Basketball had to take a back seat and was a smart decision. I will leave you with an excerpt from the founder of Training for Warriors before the conclusion.
Your child is not going to be good at everything they attempt to do and that is the hard truth you will need to swallow. What you can do as a parent or person of authority is teach your kids about responsibilities and commitments, then let them excel in areas that genuinely interest them. You never know, your kid may be horrible at baseball but an absolute genius on the piano.
Rooney Rule: Quitting old things that hold you back will achieve success faster than starting new things that you will probably never finish.
Rooney Upgrade: Winners Quit All The Time
Conclusion
As parents/ teachers/ role models (coaches, instructors etc) It should be your responsibility to guide your kids though loss and teach certain morals and values associated with it instead of trying to create a winning only environment. Remember that you are responsible for the growth of your children. They will appreciate it when they get older that you let them win, lose overcome and develop a strong personal foundation; I know that I do.
Originally published at fitletes.com
Thanks For taking the time out of your day to read.
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